masking

Masking is something that people with learning disabilities and those who are neurodivergent do. People can also do if they have mental health conditions. There tends to be more of a link and awareness between masking and the autistic community than other disability groups.

As a person who is neurodiverse, with several mental health conditions I know that masking is something that I do consciously at times. People without autism can mask for similar reasons depending on the individual and what condition they have.

As an advocate for disability acceptance, I recently have tried to stop consciously masking, this is difficult as I cannot seem to keep up with the demand of what neurotypical people expect. I feel the need to accept myself and be a good example for the community. Sometimes I mask because of the lack of understand about my condition from others, I have been bullied for things I couldn’t help because of my disability. I have struggled to feel included in some situations.

Other reasons why I might have masked are: keeping up with workload, not understanding information, being labeled as different and maintaining friendships.
I used to sit with the clever people at school so they could help me with my work or I could copy theirs. I learnt to mirror their behaviors to fit in. This saved me many detentions. I have learnt from others that if you look like you are actively taking in information then you don’t get in trouble.

I used to nod and say agree to what people were saying but I didn’t really register half the information being said, this helped carry me through school.

Soon, people began to realise I was slow and that they could do things better with out me rather than make adjustments. I began to find real connections amongst minority groups. Sometimes I still find myself drawn to academically clever people, hoping to learn something and catch up. Realistically I know this is harder for me because of my learning difficulties.
 
I have found some strategies to get round things or avoid situations to help me cope. This can in turn mask my struggles. My obsessive compulsive disorder has developed as a way of my brain trying to cope with my functional issues and sensory overloads. I believe that if I didn’t have OCD than my chance at an independent life would be harder.
My struggles are more noticeable when I get fatigued, before people have mistaken it for a depressive state but it is more to do my brain’s function. In my own environment that I am happy with, I can seem much more capable because I have adaptions in place. In a place where I wasn’t so comfortable rather than ask for help and expose the extent of my disability I would make excuses for it rather than admit I was disabled.

Sensory toys can be helpful to get you calmer although they do come with a stigma. They can also mask the fact that you are unable to cope and express your emotions typically and communicate as effectively as you would like.

This can help you avoid unacceptable behaviors. When you have to mask it can feel pressurizing and it has made me want to isolate and take myself to bed at times when I am overwhelmed.

I am now using walking aids and exposing my disability to others, my fatigue can get so severe that I go floppy and struggle to chew food or talk. My dexterity and coordination issues are so heightened that the motor dysfunction can also be severe.

​It can be my choice to stay at home or to take a wheelchair. In the past I may have chosen to stay in bed, but now I am happy advocating against people’s assumptions and stereotypes of disabled people. I believe some attitudes towards disabled people are changing but there is still a way to go.