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being a parent with Dyspraxia

7/10/2024

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Being a parent with dyspraxia, well it has meant that I have had to think a lot harder about how to meet my child’s needs and how to get round barriers. The hardest thing is when others assume you can’t meet their needs or constantly and unfairly scrutinize you. All parents need support, a dyspraxic parent might need a different type of support or adjustment.

For example when my child was a little baby whilst feeding I would use a cushion to help prop up my arm and keep it in the correct position. Whilst holding and handling my child I might have looked awkward, but I had her safe although others would presume I’m going to drop her.
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making practical tasks easier

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I might choose clothes that are easy to put on and off rather than ones with awkward buttons or stiff fabrics. Some of those all in one coats and suits were too hard for me to put on the baby or take off so I tried to avoid those ones. If on occasion someone gifted her something like that then I might ask my partner or supporter to help.
Also, when picking items like car seats, push chairs etc I would pick ones with the easiest catches or straps etc as they tend to be awkward even for people that are not dyspraxic. This meant that I didn’t need so much physical help. For general baby routines like preparing bottles, a step by step easy read picture guide was helpful as long as done exactly right. Keeping things sterile and clean were no problem as I have O.C.D. I washed and dried baby stuff separately to help me keep track and most things matched so I could quickly identify baby things, distinguish different items and stay organised. This allowed for it not to take up too much time and impact baby.

play

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Play had to be structured on some level as having dyspraxia means I can quickly become disorganised and not able to function well in a mess or with too much going on at once. It could make me slow to see danger or hazards and become distracted by the wrong things. It was very important so that I could keep me and my child safe, like if lots are toys are left out I could trip and hurt myself or my child could. I could hurt myself because I’m dyspraxic and her because she was too young to avoid the obstacle or see the danger and I would not be quick enough or strong enough to catch her.
Some activities sadly I couldn’t engage with as well as I would like to, like safely riding a bike or playing in the snow. But thankfully that’s where dad’s strengths came in and I was on hand to make sure there was a nice hot chocolate and a warm towel and I could watch from the window. Sometimes whilst engaging in play activities I would become really tired so I couldn’t always join in for long periods. I had to make sure I had enough energy for the supervisory role of being a parent.

I am a parent who allowed friends and allowed my child out to play with friends. However, due to having dyspraxia and other disabilities I would have to let the other parents know that what I say goes. So that friend can’t come due to the risk that could potentially occur although it had been eliminated due to my system. Most parents were understanding which helped, but some were not which was not easy to cope with.

Education and emotional needs

With managing my child’s educational needs I have needed support with mostly understanding correspondence with the school and using technology is a challenge for me. I would manage to read to my child 3 nights a week rather than the recommended 5 due to fatigue from dyspraxia, her dad was unable to offer much support in that area due to his disability. Stories had to be not too long as reading takes a lot out of me as does cooking.
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Whilst cooking I need to maintain full concentration because I am very at risk of injury in the kitchen due to hazards and clumsiness. This meant I couldn’t always include my child in cooking tasks or engage whilst cooking or making hot drinks. I managed this by making sure when she was little she was strapped in a high chair or when she was older having another adult or friend about to occupy or safely engage her in a task whilst I prepared a meal. We could do baking together as long as I was feeling well and I had everything setup ready and organised.

Having dyspraxia and other conditions meant that in some areas like emotional support, patience and understanding, I could be excellent to the point where others would think that I was pandering to her and at other times or ways a bit slow. I needed to seek advice or support which was mostly available from family. Sometimes people presumed that I didn’t have things in hand because I may have some unconventional methods or take long to figure the best way to support or handle a situation which is really annoying.


When on shopping trips my daughter didn’t get out of carrying a bag or an item from the age she was capable as I struggle to manage with the weakness in my wrist. Saying no was not an option, she had to help!
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My Life and work with Dyspraxia

7/10/2024

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Having dyspraxia has made life harder for me. It is a variable condition, it often gets confused by others as dyslexia which is a different condition all together. Or minimised as someone who might have an issue with their speech or be a bit clumsy. There’s so much more to it than that. And if that’s all it was I would still be labelled with unexplained difficulties and even more misunderstood.


Trying to process information is a real struggle. Getting my brain and body to match up is so hard it’s a real victory when it happens or when I find a tool to counteract it. When it doesn’t happen some of the issues are being too slow to process what you’re seeing or hearing or feeling and being accused of lying. Being over or under sensitive to the environment and not being able to focus. Not being able to do more than one thing at a time.
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fine motor skills 

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Everyday tasks take longer to do and ones that require extra concentration for a person who doesn’t have these issues would take even more from me. Tasks that require the use of fine motor skills are really hard and even impossible on a bad day. For example, some days turning a key to open and lock the door is impossible and every other time it is hard.
Using utensils is hard, thicker handles help. Doing up buttons is really hard, it takes ages. Opening packaging is hard, some packages require aids and some are achievable with a lot of effort. I’m not able to peel potatoes with a knife or peeler as it's too unsafe. I can’t get the knack. Potatoes are too round and slippery and I can’t manipulate my fingers correctly.

Managing Emotions

Also, having dyspraxia makes it really hard to control your emotions which can be a social barrier and it has been for me, although at the same time it has helped me really empathise with others.
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However it can be so strong that you take on other people’s emotions in addition to your own. Or you can confuse it with your own emotion and it gets mistaken for you making a situation about you or cause confusion for yourself and others.

Managing the enviroment

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In terms of being clumsy, well I’m just used to it. With age I have learnt to avoid certain hazards and recognize the need to control the environment I’m in where possible. This can also be a social barrier as well as limiting but with this in place it is safer and better for functioning and avoiding major injury.
​Most of the accidents I have on a daily basis now are dropping things, spilling things, minor burns, walking into furniture which in turn leads to a lot of clean ups, sore fingers, little cuts and scratches etc. That’s a sacrifice to live a more independent life and better than when I was younger. I would have frequent falls, a lot of sprains and trips to A&E. I still have falls and some more serious accidents but thankfully not as often. However my feet are now permanently damaged and have caused a secondary condition.

in the workplace

Having dyspraxia has limited the type of work I am able to do and having reasonable adjustments is so important. I love to be useful and helpful and reach my potential and cannot do this without the right support. I need to be given extra time and not too much information at once. 
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Tasks need to be broken down simply, step by step, one at a time. Some visual aids can help like pictures. There needs to be a good balance as I am easily distracted and need help to focus and/or re focus at times particularly when something triggers me as I have sensory issues and struggle with not letting my emotions get in the way of my work. However they can help me too as my passion is a real strength to the nature of the work I do.

Plans need to be stuck to as it can really upset my whole thinking and doing, and cause great distress. Breaks are so important so I can recharge and focus and get the fuel I need in order to concentrate. Or I will just be thinking about how tired or hungry I am. I also need to sit down a lot because the pains in my body especially my feet, can get too overwhelming.
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Knowing yourself -to function at your best

3/10/2024

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By Rosie Levy, Project Coordinator, Your Voice
Being diagnosed with autism can be daunting especially when you don’t know how to understand your needs.

We recently held a neurodiverse network group on the topic of Executive Function which highlighted the many different aspects of being on the autistic spectrum. It is not just about understanding your needs so you can function but knowing yourself and how best to uniquely tailor strategies for you to live and function on a daily basis.

Autism is a spectrum condition which means no two people are the same. I like to use the rainbow analogy to try and explain to others struggling with the concept. There are many different colours in a rainbow, each one with it’s own colour code, a precise make up of what makes it unique and special. There are millions of different colour combinations, each one different to the one before. This is like the autistic spectrum, just because one person has a select sensory need doesn’t mean all people with autism share this. 

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The colour range is huge just like the autistic spectrum!

This is why, you really have to know yourself in order to understand the best ways to function. This can be a long journey and takes self-acceptance, love and courage to know and accept all parts of you. I have been diagnosed for nearly 8 years now and it is only in the past few years that I have really begun to understand what autism means for me.
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I have a huge family and four siblings, I am so lucky that they accept me for who I am.
Throughout my childhood, I have always felt different to other people and didn’t really understand why. As I have grown to understand myself, I have realised different doesn’t mean less. We all have our unique gifts, talents and quirks to give back to the community. It is a joy to be completely myself around those I trust and let others share that joy with me. The acceptance and love of others has definitely helped me to get to know myself better and has made me feel more comfortable knowing who I am.
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My mum has always been my number one supporter, and also fought for others to see the creative fun person I am!

Even though, I have begun to accept myself, I do find myself masking in some social situations. The feeling of emotional exhaustion and dysregulation when I take the mask off is tiresome. I think it does take time to gradually take the mask off with those you feel close to. It can be hard to let someone in to your vulnerable self when you don’t know whether you will be accepted or not. 
“The best advice I can give, in order to know yourself better is, you have to let others know you too.”
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  • HOME
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  • LGBTQ+ Neurodiverse Research
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